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Image credit: Stacked: Fox

Stacked

Fox Wednesdays, 8:30 p.m.

Guilty Pleasures: ”Stacked”

I have many reasons for loving a TV show about a happy blond with big boobs who works in a bookstore where the conversation rarely involves books. Mostly, it’s my wife’s fault. She’s the one who started giggling as I attempted to click past the episode about the store clerk in his 30s who finds out that his new girlfriend is just 17 — when the girl’s parents walk in on a make-out session. Well, you couldn’t expect me to sit there with my arms folded and pout. In fact, I was open-minded enough to let myself see the potential of a sitcom that stars Pam Anderson. As my mom used to say whenever we saw an old movie with Marilyn Monroe or Judy Holliday, ”She’s really a very brilliant woman.” So when I watched the boob-jiggling episode with Jenny McCarthy, I too could only think of one word: brilliant. I should admit that I haven’t seen every episode, and you may have caught some bad ones that I missed early in the season. But, hey, how bad can it be with a master thespian like Christopher Lloyd in the cast? And what about those cool book illustrations that come to life as each scene begins?And all those double entendres? The stacks of books. The clerk who is stacked. See, I’m not shallow. I’m literary. And so is Pam. Right, Pam? Oh, Pam. Oh, Pam. Oh! — Michael Small

Image credit: Making the Band: Scott Gries/Getty Images

Making the Band 3, Season 2

MTV check listings for repeats

Guilty Pleasures: ”Making the Band 3, Season 2”

MTV specializes in black-hole programming — shows so numbingly addictive that you can’t flip by them without getting sucked into a time-eating vortex for at least 5 to 7 hours. Making the Band 3, Season 2 — another round of Diddy-designs-a-girl-group-from-scratch adventures — was one of those shows. Watching (and silently judging) the tiny girls in tiny clothes as they cried and sang and cried some more was bliss. Witnessing wild-eyed choreographer Laurie Ann (pictured, with contestants) as she spewed dance-class gibberish (”Boom! Kat! Boom kat pow!”) and shrieked hysterical warnings to the girls (”Honey bunches of oats!”) was transfixing. But the true source of MTB3S2‘s appeal was Diddy. The way he stared blankly — mouth slightly agape, cooling himself with a battery-operated mini-fan — as the girls sang for their lives in Miami. The way he stubbornly refused to learn the contestants’ names, pairing them up by looks and pitting Tall Black Girl With Big Hair against Tall Black Girl With Straight Hair in a dance-off. The way he rode around in a rickshaw yelling taunts through a bullhorn as the girls jogged six miles around Central Park. The way he told the girls to ”Bring their blackness out” when performing dance routines. I could go on for days… but instead I’m just going to sit on my couch, waiting patiently for MTV to air another MTB3S2 marathon. — Kristen Baldwin

Image credit: Dancing with the Stars: ABC

Dancing With the Stars

ABC Thursdays, 8-9:30 p.m. ET; Fridays, 8-8:30 p.m.

Guilty Pleasures: ”Dancing With the Stars”

During the first season of Dancing With the Stars, I kept wanting to wake up my 5-year-old daughter to tell her, ”This is what TV was like when Daddy was little!” Back in those fun-for-the-whole-family, variety-show-dominated days, sparkly clothes were considered glamorous, any British accent was classy, and Italian men were dashingly Continental. Sixties TV removed all sharp edges: If a host had a personality, he kept it to himself, and pop hits were heard only in bland (and royalty-saving) cover versions. Before the invention of the term B-list, you either were a star or you weren’t; somehow, people like Bert Convy, Rocky Graziano, and Connie Stevens — the rough equivalent of Stars‘ stars — made the cut. (Do today’s parents have to explain to their kids why Joey McIntyre or Kelly Monaco, pictured, is famous?) And in the pre-porn era, the sexiest thing a 10-year-old was ever likely to see was a girl doing high kicks in a short dress that seemed about to fall off. (Live TV didn’t come back until 1975, so you knew that you never would actually see anything if the dress did fall off, but you still hoped.) DWTS‘s re-creation of vintage TV is so perfect that when they cut to commercials, I keep expecting to see the Marlboro Man galloping through the West, or Josephine the Plumber removing stubborn sink stains with Comet. — Tom Conroy

Isaac

Style Network daily, 7 p.m., 11 p.m.

Guilty Pleasures: ”Isaac”

Anyone who knows me well will tell you that I love to surround myself with all of my talented, funny, sophisticated, gay male friends. So it’s no surprise that I spent New Year’s Eve with my guilty pleasure Isaac rather than watching that dumb ball fall in Times Square. In case you’ve missed it, Isaac is the new daily show on the Style network that combines talk show with fashion and on-the-street banter — well, let’s just say it’s a morning show in the evening, so it can be a bit campier than its competitors. And Isaac Mizrahi loves the ladies (including Keira Knightley, pictured)! He coos and compliments and makes sure they all have the perfect coffee drink. Plus he’s as sharp as ever. After mistakenly referring to Sarah Jessica Parker’s son as John Wilke (his real name is James Wilke), he quipped, ”What would you do if your son assassinated the President?” Isaac, will you be my gay boyfriend? — Katy Caldwell

Image credit: Footballers Wives: BBC

Footballers Wive$

BBC America Season 3 starts Feb. 19

Guilty Pleasures: ”Footballers Wive$”

The guiltiest pleasure from across the pond since the Spice Girls, Footballers Wive$ offers a deliciously soapy take on the world of professional footballers (soccer players) and their lovely spouses. Think the Beckhams meet Dynasty with an equal amount of sequins but fewer shoulder pads. If that doesn’t lure you in, Wive$ features nudity, profanity, and a hermaphrodite baby. Alfre Woodard keepin’ someone tied up in the basement seems a little bland now, huh? More importantly, Wive$ features the greatest primetime soap character since Melrose Place‘s Amanda (Heather Locklear): the vodka-guzzling, French-manicured Tanya Turner. Played to perfection by Zoe Lucker (pictured, in a representative pose), Turner sleeps, murders, and blackmails her way to the top without ever forgetting the importance of a nice lip gloss and a strong cocktail. For a recovering Place and Beverly Hills, 90210 junkie like myself, Footballers Wive$ is a juicy and potentially even more satisfying addiction. — Tim Stack

Image credit: CSI:Miami: Cliff Lipson/CBS

CSI: Miami

CBS Mondays, 10 p.m.

Guilty Pleasures: ”CSI: Miami”

While it’s entirely possible that my devotion to CSI: Miami is based solely on hypnotic suggestion caused by David Caruso’s otherworldly speech cadences as Horatio Caine, there’s a more plausible explanation: At 10 p.m. on Monday nights, my brain switches to autopilot. Gone is the desire for the intricate storylines of Lost, or the clever wordplay of Arrested Development. All I want are pretty location shots, pretty people (Emily Procter and Adam Rodriguez in particular), and clues and twists that are spelled out, underlined, and highlighted so thoroughly that not even a catnap can blunt my enjoyment of an episode. The unintentional comedy provided by Caruso’s sunglasses-on, sunglasses-off shtick doesn’t hurt either. Unless, of course, it’s part of CBS’ larger plot to turn me into a Two and a Half Men fanatic.— Michael Slezak

Image credit: True Life: MTV

True Life

MTV Thursdays, 10 p.m.

Guilty Pleasures: ”True Life”

MTV reruns the crap out of this eight-year-old docuseries — but that’s just fine with me, especially when there’s a chance that I might see the episode that initially got me hooked: 2002’s ”I’m Getting Plastic Surgery,” starring that dude who got calf implants. (Remember him? The guy who flexed his new ”muscles” post-surgery and sent blood oozing out of the incisions? The guy whose friend teased him for having ”t–ties in his legs”? That was awesome!) Over the years, True Life has covered young people doing the silly things that young people do — binge-drinking at the Jersey Shore, binge-drinking at Mardi Gras, binge-drinking in Miami — and I’ve loved every dumb minute. But the show’s also known for tackling the Big Issues: A new episode this season, ”I Have OCD” (pictured), explored obsessive-compulsive disorder and its toll on the lives of three people, who allowed MTV’s cameras to film the daily rituals that complicate their lives. It’s that mix of the silly and the serious that makes True Life such a compelling series. As for all the so what? episodes in between (like ”I Have Embarrassing Parents,” or ”I’m Jealous”) — well, at the very least, give the producers props for stretching such thin material into a full hour. — Dawnie Walton

Image credit: The Late Late Show: Cliff Lipson/CBS

The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson

CBS weeknights, 12:35 a.m.

Guilty Pleasures: ”The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson”

In the sleepy late-night time slot, Conan’s show remains the gold standard, Jimmy Kimmel is relatively polished, and Craig Ferguson is a distant third choice. The former Drew Carey Show third-banana is lucky to draw showbiz guests who are C-list or better. But somehow, the Scotsman has become my favorite. Ferguson is a sharp interviewer (his chat with Mimi Rogers, at the height of TomKat-mania last summer, was priceless), and in the past year, he’s become a lot less shaky and awkward. He delivers late-night’s best opening monologue, a dazzling, 15-minute vamp that’s the comedy equivalent of a Rahsaan Roland Kirk single-breath saxophone solo. The rest of the hour isn’t at that level yet, but it’s still good enough to make me forget this show’s previous Craig (um… oh, yeah, Kilborn). — Gary Susman

Image credit: What Not to Wear: TLC

What Not to Wear

TLC, Fridays, 9 p.m.

Guilty Pleasures: ”What Not to Wear”

Every week I watch as clueless, sorry, ”wardrobe-challenged” people get turned in by their so-called friends and family for committing fashion faux pas. (You know the kind of wardrobe mistakes I’m talking about — the donning of pajamas when it’s still light out and shopping in the junior department after you’ve hit the big 4-0.) The show’s fashion experts, Clinton Kelly and Stacy London (pictured), arrive with a camera crew to catch the victim’s expression and make an announcement that might be summed up like this: ”Congrats, you’re the next contestant on ‘Your Look Is All Wrong.’ Here’s what you’ve won: a trip to New York City where you’ll receive $5,000 towards new duds, two days of Fashion 101, and finishing touches by hairstylist Nick Arrojo and makeup artist Carmindy. Once we’ve had our way with you, we’re going to send you back home to the people who sold you out in the first place.” How could anyone not enjoy this? — Lisa Costantini

Image credit: Next: MTV

Next

MTV, Weekdays, 5:30 p.m.

Guilty Pleasures: ”Next”

I know I should be over MTV’s all-day marathons of shows no one cares about, but when I stumbled across Next a few weeks back I couldn’t turn away. What a brilliant premise: Have a person go on a series of dates and if the first match isn’t right, for whatever reason — be it the hair, clothes, or even face — just say ”Next,” wave your arms all crazy while making a sassy comment like ”Greg might have looked like Tarzan but he smelled like Jane,” and voilà, out comes date number two! I can’t decide which Next-er is my favorite. The girl who fell on her ass while getting off the bus singing? Or maybe the flaming queen who played basketball in drag? Nah — it has to be the girl who hated her date so much that she relieved herself while sitting at the dinner table, forcing him to say ”Next!” Oh, those crazy kids. — Marc Vera

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