PicoD

After watching this episode, I feel like the battle lines have been drawn, but the soldiers are still running all over the field. This was the producers moving their armies into position for the final episodes, which are going to a bigger visual assault than waking up in Lafayette’s living room with a hangover. Let’s start at the beginning…

After staking Talbot during foreplay, Eric flew back to Fangtasia, literally. Yes, Pam, you should panic because he’s so scared that he didn’t even take the time to button his shirt before he fled Russell’s Mississippi mansion. He told Pam they needed sanctuary. When she suggested Sookie’s home, he said that was out of the question. (Because Russell knew where it was? Because Eric didn’t want to endanger Sookie by giving Russell another reason to go after her? Or because he could feel that Sookie had just done the nasty with Bill and wasn’t ready to deal with him yet?) Ginger walked in, and they told her they needed to borrow her home, and she asked if it was because of the V-Feds, Nan Flanagan’s armed soldiers who, frankly, had less to do than the ones who backed up Beyoncé for her 2010 Grammy performance of ”If I Were a Boy.”

Eric, who changed into one of his black undershirts, and Pam, wearing a cropped fuchsia tracksuit that made me miss those pumps she ruined trying to track Maryann, went out to meet Ms. Flanagan, who was rockin’ a Trinity look from The Matrix. She was pissed that she was called in to clean up Eric’s mess in Louisiana when she should be kissing ass in Oregon to help the Vampire Rights Amendment, which is two states away from ratification. Eric looked visibly nervous, and Nan told her boys to silver Eric, which made Ginger scream. Please, someone kill her.

Russell returned home to find a pile of Talbot. The show isn’t the same without his quips or flair for home decorating, is it? Russell laid down next to his gooey bits and held some entrails. He looked up and saw the Viking crown was missing from his collection. That must have been a tough scene for Denis O’Hare. He ended it crying, in the kind of pain that runs so deep you stop making sounds but you’re mouth is still open because your body is still physically grieving.

NEXT: Normal couples

We cut to Sookie in the shower. You could have thought it was a dream sequence after Tara’s lust dream with Franklin, but this was real. Bill came in and took one last taste from her neck before cutting his finger on a fang and using his blood to close her neck wounds. They kissed passionately as we got shots of Anna Paquin that probably caused men in their mid-30s to quote The Princess Bride to themselves (”There’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world; ‘twould be a pity to damage yours”). The blood from their fights and and/or makeup sex washed down their bodies, off their legs, and into the drain. We didn’t hear their love theme, which I’m guessing was intentional. But the music was soft now, not angry like when Sookie mounted Bill at the end of last episode.

Sookie went downstairs in a little nightgown and slippers and found the naked wolf man Bill had killed. ”Yes, I suppose I should have mentioned that,” Bill said. There was a beat, then matter of factly, Sookie said, ”There’s an old tarp out back.” While Bill went to get it, she kicked the man over and covered him up with the towel she was holding. ”Normal couples do not do this, Bill Compton,” she said as she helped roll up the body.

”What would you rather be doing? Sittin’ on the sofa, watchin’ television?,” he asked. (Those are fighting words, Bill Compton. Point for Alcide and his flatscreen.) ”Just once I’d like to not find a dead body in my house. Is that askin’ too much?” Sookie responded. Bill made the point that he had to kill the wolf man or he’d just come back for Sookie again. He told her she had to trust him. Did she, he asked? She said she tries, but then she finds out things like that he has a secret file on her. Bill said he kept that because he was trying to find out why Eric has such an unusual interest in her. He assumes it’s because of what she is, so he needs to figure out what that is so he knows how to protect her. She told him keeping a file is creepy (true), and that he has to learn to trust her and stop thinking of her as a thing that needs to be protected. She’s not afraid to spill a little blood anymore. She took care of Debbie. (Um, no, Sookie, you let her go.) ”As much as you want to be human, I think I’m meetin’ ya halfway to vampire,” she said. And Bill couldn’t help but smile.

From those lovers we cut to Lafayette and Jesus, wearing one of Lafayette’s flowered silk robes. Usually, this would be the time Lafayette thought of an excuse to get the guy he just slept with to leave, but he decided Jesus could stay. Perhaps because while he got up to get himself a glass of wine, Jesus brought Lafayette the bottle of Jose Cuervo Black. Thoughtful. Lafayette noticed the ink of Jesus’ chest when the borrowed robe got a little loose. It was a jaguar, Jesus said. His ancestors used to worship the animal, which is strong and elusive and holds power over the universe. Lafayette called bulls—, and Jesus said fine, his high school was the Jaguars. Lafayette said it was still pretty and kissed the tattoo, then began to work his way lower as I wondered if Jesus was a werejaguar. Considering the werewolf art in that werebar in Jackson, secretive and subtle aren’t the same things…

NEXT: Yes, Jason. He’s a magician.

Speaking of weresomethings, Jason returned to his place to find Felton, the abusive man Crystal has been promised to since she was four, yelling at her. She told Felton that Jason had kidnapped her. When Jason said Crystal came to him, Felton threatened to kick Crystal’s ass if it were true, and Crystal told Felton that Jason also raped her. Felton attacked Jason, and Crystal knocked him unconscious with Jason’s gun. ”Could you not make me a rapist?” he said, earnestly. ”I’m sorry, it was the best I could think of,” she explained. She told Jason to tie Felton up, and Jason said he’d go get his handcuffs (which, I’m sure, we’re not police-issued). She said no, he could escape handcuffs. ”What is he, a magician?” Jason asked, probably half-hoping she said yes. It had to be rope, Crystal said. Just trust her.

Back at Fangtasia, Ms. Flanagan explained that Ginger had enough brain cells left to confirm that no one ever takes a mop down to the basement, which is why it’s so odd that it was recently wiped sterile. ”Well, I’m a Virgo. I like to be neat,” Eric said. Flanagan told Eric to relax — ”It’s not like you killed someone” — and set up a video camera so he could give his official statement to the Authority, which, from what we saw, consists of two well-dressed men and one woman.

Sam took a shaken Tara back to his place and suggested she see a therapist because whatever she went through was clearly more than any one person can handle. I agreed with him, but felt guilty for my reason: I want her and Sam having sex again. Just then, Sam got a call from Terry, who hated to bust up Tommy’s fun but said the ”girl noises” coming from the neighboring house were interfering with Arlene’s nine hours of sleep. Sam went to deal with that and Tara stayed at his place and picked up his laptop. I couldn’t image what she was looking up online…

Meanwhile, the interrogation of Eric was in full swing. I was surprised to hear him telling the truth about Russell and his wolves. (Though I suspect he let out the part about Sophie Anne asking him to sell V….) Eric told Flanagan, and the Authority, that Russell claimed that he was trying to prevent humans from destroying the planet and themselves — the vampire’s food source. But as Nan pointed out, Tru Blood changed that. After a quick cut to Pam’s fuchsia boots, Eric continued:

Russell doesn’t want to coexist with humans; he wants to subjugate them. ”F— the authority,” he quoted. Russell had killed the Magister because he defied him and kidnapped Sophie Anne because she refused him. What do they think he will do to the Authority or the American Vampire League if they stand in his way? Nan asked why Eric hadn’t reported Russell’s treasonous behavior before. And again, he surprised me with his honesty: The Authority has existed for only a few hundred years, while his history with Russell goes back nearly 1,000. He admitted wolves had massacred his family. He’d seen one turn back into a man at the end of his sword. You could tell by the look on Pam’s face (no trademark eye-rolling) that she had never heard this story from her maker. Those same V-addicted werewolves were in Sweden, then Germany, and now in here. ”With all respect,” Eric said, looking right into the camera, ”I did not report Russell Edgington to you because I want him to die at my own hands. I have waited a thousand years for this.”

NEXT: Masks off

I thought Eric was smart telling them the truth because it would gain their trust so he could lie his way out of something (like selling V) later. But then came another surprise: They didn’t necessarily believe him. Flanagan said the Authority would review his statement since Americans believe in a fair hearing, but she found out that Russell had just donated $500,000 to the same American Vampire League Eric says he’s trying to bring down. She put Eric and Pam on lockdown in Fangtasia until the Authority made its ruling. At the same time, Sam was being made to feel small by Tommy, who couldn’t believe his brother was asking him to quiet down the topless blonde with whom he was partying. And Crystal tied Felton up with a bag of V in his pocket, the plan being that Jason would disguise his voice and call in Felton’s location so he could be arrested and jailed.

Morning came, and Lafayette had on a gold robe. How many robes do you think that man owns? Jesus, who would’ve liked some sleep before his 12-hour shift, called out for Ruby Jean, who entered looking fabulous. ”You have got a excellent selection of cosmetics, baby, I give you that,” she told Lafayette. ”I’m ready for you now,” she said to Jesus. ”Ain’t nothing hurt me when I got on my war paint.” (That, incidentally, is what my father used to call the makeup my sister wore in high school.) Ruby took a look at Lafayette and noticed that he didn’t have his ”mask” on. Without his makeup, her son was shining through. Did Jesus do that to him, she asked. Lafayette said yes. ”I’ll be damned, maybe god loves fags,” she said, by way of a compliment. Or, Ruby Jean, he just loves people who are true to themselves and happy. Jesus and Ruby Jean needed to get on the road — ”You need to bless the Jell-O so everyone can eat,” he told her — and she and Lafayette shared what has to be the sweetest moment we’ve ever seen between them.

”Come see me, Lala,” she said.

”Alright, miss lady,” he answered. ”Eat your vegetables.”

Jason took Crystal to work with him at the police station, where Andy was freaking out because deputy Kevin had gotten beaten within an inch of his life responding to the anonymous tip (from Jason). Jason went into Andy’s office to share his surprisingly sound theory: if they can tie the V guy to both Hot Shot and Kevin’s attack, they can raid Hot Shot and take down the meth cookers. It was yet another example of Jason following something stupid (Andy: ”I got ulcers so big coffee’s comin’ out of my bellybutton.” Jason: ”Is that even possible?”) with something intelligent. Not sure if we’re supposed to think there was something fishy about Andy keeping the bag of V vials in his desk, or if he’s just doing that because he knows Jason’s history with the drug…

NEXT: Tommy vs. Arlene, round 9,000

Tara joined Holly, the new waitress at Merlotte’s, at a support meeting. It wasn’t until Holly said, ”I’m a rape survivor,” that we knew what it was for. Fifteen years ago, she said, she was locked in a room and raped by a coworker for five-and-a-half hours. She’s found a way to still believe that people are worth trusting, and everyday, she does so more and more. She brought tears to Tara eyes. I’m sure because Tara could relate to her trust issues, but I’d also like to think Tara was thinking, ”Woman, you came to the wrong town.”

Sookie looked through a scrapbook and saw newspaper clipping about her grandfather Earl Stackhouse crediting a ”sixth sense” for his ability to save a family from a fire. She got a call from Hadley, who asked Sookie to meet her at an aquarium in Monroe and came clean about her involvement with Sophie Anne and what she’d told her about Sookie’s powers. Turns out, Hadley has a son, Hunter, and she needs to know if he’s like Sookie, so she can protect him from Sophie Anne and Russell. Without speaking, Sookie asked Hunter which fish was his favorite, and he answered her. He knew his mother was frightened. You didn’t have to be able to read minds for that. Hadley said she was gonna take him to some friends. The less Sookie knew about his whereabouts, the better. She’s probably right.

At Merlotte’s, Arlene had a meltdown in Sam’s office after Tommy allegedly stole some of her tip money and said her service was so bad that four women had really only left her a $2 tip. (Sam took Arlene’s word over Tommy’s and said he’d dock it from Tommy’s pay, which again, Tommy believed made Sam look whipped.) Holly came in to comfort Arlene, and Arlene took the opportunity to finally admit out loud that the baby she’s carrying isn’t Terry’s. She told Holly the baby’s father was dead, and he was pure evil. Arlene said she knows she’s bringin’ an evil child into this world and in 6.5 months, Terry would know too and the time bomb she has in her would explode and send the best man she’s ever met running. Zeroing in on Arlene being less than three months along, Holly asked if she wanted the baby, and for the first time, Arlene admitted she didn’t. Holly asked if she needed someone to go to the clinic with her, but Arlene said she couldn’t get an abortion — that’s wrong. I still can’t figure Holly out. It’s not possible that she’s just an intuitive, compassionate person (who perhaps became pregnant with her rapist’s baby), is it? If so, what’s she really doing in Bon Temps? There’s got to be a reason for her to be introduced. Is she, too, evil, or is she someone like Sookie, sent by Claudine to watch over her and those she loves?

NEXT: Love will steer the stars

Perhaps the cut to Bill right after that conversation was a sign? Water started seeping onto him as he slept, and he woke up and walked out into Claudine’s world. That would be the one that resembles the 40 Year Old Virgin‘s ”Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In” ending if it were shot by the same soft camera as a Barbara Walters special. Bill wore all white and looked great. Claudine thought he was only there because he’d killed Sookie, and she ran. Bill caught her and his fangs came out. She repelled him with the white light Sookie has used. Bill assured her Sookie was alive, and that he wouldn’t hurt her. She said they’d protect Sookie, and Bill wanted to know when they’ve ever done that. ”We have, believe me,” she said. Bill said Sookie needs to know what she is so she can protect herself. Before we heard how she responded, we cut to Eric at Fangtasia.

He clearly hadn’t slept during the day because he was bleeding from his ears and nose. Pam awoke and he told her he wouldn’t let her take any of the blame for what he’d gotten them into. He hadn’t killed the Magister, she reminded him, but Eric believed he’d be an easier scapegoat for the Authority than Russell. Plus, if they searched Russell’s home, they’d find Talbot’s remains. What followed was a truly tender scene between Eric and Pam. She didn’t understand why in their 100 years together, he’d never told her about his family. He didn’t have to carry that burden alone, she said. But he was the sole survivor, so the pain was his alone, he explained. He told Pam if he couldn’t go on, she had to make a new vampire — it’s her time to be a maker. She cried and knelt to hug Eric. He held her so sweetly, his hand in her hair. It’s interesting: As much as I’d like a flashback to when they met and SPOILER ALERT had a romantic relationship, I like that there’s no sexual tension between them now. That separates her from every other woman in Eric’s life — he actually cares about her.

Next, we headed back to Merlotte’s, where Jessica was walking around with a grin that made me think she just drank from someone in the ladies’ room. Hoyt showed up on a date with Summer, and Jessica thought about running but then sat them while she asked Hoyt why he couldn’t come during the day, or on nights she wasn’t working, or even eat somewhere else. (Maybe because it’d cost too much to build another restaurant set?) Hoyt said he’s been coming here for years, and it’s his place. Plus, she broke it off with him, so why should she mind? She knew he was right. When Summer put out her hand to shake Jessica’s, Jessica involuntarily extended her fangs and excused herself. Summer pointed out to Hoyt how sad Jessica looked without him (something that Hoyt was probably glad to see), and said she was so happy he’d chosen to come back to the light with her. ”Can’t do much antiquin’ after dark, can we?” This girl needs to be dinner, too.

NEXT: Lafayette brings (out) the bacon

Over at Jason’s table, he told Crystal about his plan to bring down Hot Shot, and she told him he couldn’t. Those were her kin. She wanted to go warn them. There are people in Hot Shot who don’t do drugs, and kids who know nothing else, she said. He can’t put them into the system. Lafayette came out of the kitchen to meet the person who’d ordered a veggie burger with bacon. It was Jesus, who just wanted to see if Lafayette would make it. Lafayette told him if he didn’t finish it, he wouldn’t get dessert. Tara picked up on the flirtation (who wouldn’t have) and asked Lafayette if it was a thing. ”If you call two days in a row a thing, for me it’s a record,” he said. Tara sure made a lot of progress after one support meeting. She was eventually able to tell Lafayette she was happy for him. He said he doesn’t know whether Jesus is a fool or a miracle because he knows everything about Lafayette and keeps coming back. I’m still holding out hope Jesus is a good guy, even though now that Franklin is gone, it could be Lafayette’s turn to be tortured…

Summer left Hoyt alone at the table to guard her dolls, and she Jessica came over to apologize for her fangs. Hoyt understood it was beyond her control. ”She seems… short,” she said, trying to make polite conversation about Summer. ”Does she at least make you happy,” she asked, as she sat down. ”I hate her,” Hoyt finally admitted. ”God help me, but I f—in’ hate her. Everything is dolls and show tunes and cleanin’ stuff, and she will not stop talking. And I feel like it’s makin’ me crazy, Jess.”

”Then what are you doin’ with her,” she asked.

”I guess it beats sittin’ around thinkin’ about you,” he said.

That was perfectly played — more sweet than sexy, and therefore, it felt totally genuine and age-appropriate. Jessica started crying, and Tommy went after her, angry at Hoyt. You just know Tommy is gonna try to kick Hoyt’s ass now. I hope Jessica is there to put that boy in his place.

Meanwhile, the V-Feds and Flanagan showed back up at Fangtasia. Russell stood atop a roof clutching what was left of Talbot in what I’m guessing was a Waterford crystal piece that Talbot would have approved of. Russell has obviously lost his mind in grief, and spoke to Talbot. He assumed the American Vampire League was protecting Eric, maybe even sent him. He said they would suffer and flew away.

NEXT: Save Sam Merlotte

Turns out, Russell wasn’t far off: Flanagan read the ruling that said basically none of this ever happened. With the VRA so close to ratification, the Authority couldn’t risk the PR nightmare/drama of a missing royal and dead Magister. Eric would get his wish: Revenge on Russell, as long as it was done quietly, discreetly, and completely off the books. Eric wanted to know what resources he’d be given, since Russell is three times his age. ”Listen, you whiny little bitch,” Flanagan said, informing Eric that he’d be getting no help. He brought this ”steaming pile of s—” to them, he’d get rid of it. If she didn’t bring her Russell’s fangs, she’ll have his. Why do powerful women on this show always seem to threaten to take Eric’s fangs?

Crystal’s dad came into Merlotte’s, and Jason and he got into it. After Tommy made Sam feel like such a wimp, he snapped when her dad tried to tell Sam he was a [wimp] who couldn’t man up to his own lies (he thought Sam had seen Crystal before that night, when she’d only parked her car in his lot before). Sam hit Crystal’s dad over the head with a coffee pot and beat him to what should’ve been death. I swear I heard his neck snap. Sam yelled as he raged, and even pushed Crystal to the ground when she tried to interrupt him. Not sure why Jason and Hoyt took so long to step in, but they finally got Sam off of him, and Tommy was smiling. Could this be what Tommy wanted all along? Not to become part of Sam’s world, but to bring Sam into his? Even though I hate to see Sam — the one decent supernatural man in Bon Temps — lose it (and I really do), I did appreciate his bloodied shirt getting all askew and giving us a nice shot of heavage.

Crystal’s dad was still breathing, barely, and Tara helped Jesus and Lafayette load him into a vehicle to take him to the hospital. Jesus was on the phone asking a man to meet him at the ER door in 20 minutes. Strange. Could it be he was calling a man who deals with weremedicine? Crystal ran out and wanted to go with them. Jason tried to stop her. She’s just running back to the people who want to control her, he said, and she said he was right, she didn’t need anyone controlling her life, including him. She hopped in, and Tara stayed behind.

Naturally, that was when Franklin chose to make his grand return. Tara said she killed him, and Franklin said that’s what everyone told him but he refused to believe it because she loved him. She was shaking, but she was stronger than she’d ever been in his presence. Franklin said what hurt the most was that she never mourned him when he loved her so much. She told him he can’t love anything because he’s a psychopath, and he violated her and terrorized her because that’s what vampires do and call it love. He said he’d mourn her to his very marrow, but she’ll never know how much. His fangs popped out, and she told him to do it.

NEXT: Franklin’s last stand

What was he waiting for, her to beg? The only thing vampires can feel is the destruction of life because they have none in them, she said. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

Why did she want to die so much, he asked, why make him want to kill her? Because the second he does, she’ll be free of him and he’ll have nothing, she said. Up against someone she couldn’t physically defeat, that was the only power Tara had left. Franklin started strangling her. He heart was beating so fast, he said, and he wanted to feel it stop. Just then, Jason came into the picture, his shotgun locked and loaded, and told Franklin to take his hands off Tara.

”You do realize I’m a vampire,” Franklin said. Jason could empty every round in him, and he’ll heal. Without saying a word, Jason fired one shot into his chest, and Franklin exploded like he was a bad guy in The Expendables. (Pause as I daydream about Sylvester Stallone guest-directing an episode of True Blood.) I did enjoy Franklin, but it was time for him to meet a wooden bullet.

Taking Hadley’s advice to lay low, Sookie was at Jason’s house and invited Bill inside. Sookie told him she knew about Sophie Anne now and that Hadley had told her she and Russell would be coming after Sookie and anyone like her. Bill told her he’d gone some place, probably because he’d had so much of her blood. ”Sookie, I know what you are,” he said… but we’ll have to wait for next week to find out. JUST SAY IT ALREADY!

The episode’s final scene will go down as one of the series’ finest. Flanagan was in her limo, heading to the airport, on hold with the Authority promising them she’d learn her speech by the time she got to Oregon. As she bit the inner thigh of a topless woman (does no one in Bon Temps wear a bra?), I thought for sure Russell would come through the roof of the car and kill her, but no. The camera focused on the TV in the vehicle, which was on the news channel TBBN. The anchor was saying that the Vampire Rights Amendment was gaining support. At this point, 20 percent of the county remained undecided. Russell landed there and put his hand clean through the anchor’s body and ripped out part of his spinal cord out of his back.

NEXT: Russell’s mad as hell, etc.

”Does that help you decide America?” he asked. Then shouted, ”Do not turn off the camera!”

”You’ve seen how quickly I can kill,” he said, knocking the anchor’s dead body off his chair so he could take the seat. (Evil, but delicious.) He explained that he’d been a vampire for nearly 3,000 years. The AVL wants to say they’re like humans, and maybe they are in small ways: They also are narcissists who care only about what they want no matter what the cost, he said. Then he tossed the bloody spine over his shoulder. ”But no, in the end, we are nothing like you,” he continued. ”We are… immortal. Because we drink the true blood, blood that is living, organic, and human.” He paused to lick blood off his hand. ”And that is the truth the AVL wishes to conceal from you. Because let’s face it, eating people is a tough sell these days, so they put on their friendly faces to pass their beloved VRA but make no mistake….. mine is the true face of vampires.”

Looking right into the camera, and speaking so deliberately he was, for the first time, 100 percent chilling, Russell said, ”Why would we seek equal rights? You are not our equals… We will eat you. After we eat your children.” He smiled, then looked into another camera. ”Now, time for the weather. Tiffany?”

Great writing and brilliant performance by Denis O’Hare. We saw a promo for the next three episodes, but the action moved so quickly, I couldn’t keep up. I could rewind and pause, but honestly, I just want to sit back and relax and let these next three hours come to me. I have no idea how Alan Ball is going to wrap this all up in three episodes. He might actually have to move as fast as those promos. But man, am I looking forward to it.

What do you need to see happen before season’s end? I don’t want a reason to hate Sam. I want to know who Sookie can trust: Bill or Eric? I want Eric (okay, maybe Summer) to break into ”Let’s Do it For Our Country” from Grease 2, trying to get some. Your turn.

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