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Why Keith will win ”Survivor” 2

Even had he been back home in Michigan, you just know Keith ”Carrots” Famie would have proposed to his girlfriend ”Peas” by email. Keith’s like that: warm as a SEND button. Come to think of it, I wouldn’t be surprised if he deleted the proposal once the cameras were off him. Keith’s like that: cuddly as a RETURN key.

I also wouldn’t be surprised if he won the $1 million — because Keith’s like that, too: middle aged and stringy, aloof and f— all, self preserving and impervious, finger always on the CONTROL key. Every week he’s figured for the goner, just one vote away from getting the boot, a man who doesn’t care about playing well with others at this famous, exotic sleepaway camp. Yet every week he’s still here, with those ”damn I’m all that” sunglasses, cooking up his miserable rice paste, combing that ”fiancée out of town” beard, walking away rather than engaging with his fellow competitors. The heck with hugs from Colby’s mama, or even from Elisabeth, the team Beanie Baby!

”Gottagetthemilliongottagetthemillion” is Keith’s mantra, and it’s the only source of inspiration he needs. (As published documents suggest, the fellow might have learned this meditation some time back while in bankruptcy court.)

Interesting, isn’t it, that two out of the three finalists are well seasoned birds? Even more interesting, I reckon that with Elisabeth out of the picture, well fed Colby is in for a surprise: The experience of age is going to overtake the robustness of youth, especially a youth left alone without playmates and girls to impress. (Tina has fun with Colby, but she’s dated a million of his kind, and she knows the weaknesses of the species as only a 40 year old woman can.)

Colby hates Keith. Keith doesn’t give a damn. And he ain’t going away, either. Instead, the older man is going to best the younger one out of sheer orneriness. When Keith trains those dead black button eyes on the horizon and glares at the heavens of the Southern Hemisphere, all the blessings of his Lone Star countrymen aren’t going to help the Colbster. He’s a gonester. Keith will shake Jeff Probst’s hand with a smirk, take his mil, and email his ”Peas”: ”Have your attorney contact mine re. prenup.”

Read why other EW writers think Tina or Colby will win the million.

Read All About Survivor for EW.com’s comprehensive coverage.

Get ”Survivor” 2 news from Time.com.

And visit People.com for more ”Survivor” 2 coverage.

What do you think? Will Keith take the million?

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